Learn to laugh at the vagaries of aging with these silly, funny quotes
“As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.”
– Robert Quillen
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”
– Lucille Ball
“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
– Agatha Christie
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”
– Woody Allen
“I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.”
– Francis Bacon
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.”
– Jim Davis
“Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.”
– Billie Burke
“Whatever a man’s age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole.”
– Mark Twain
“Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.”
– Attributed to Benjamin Franklin (possibly anonymous)
“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.”
– Anonymous
“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”
– Bob Hope
“I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.”
-John Mortimer
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.”
– Robert Frost
“I believe my house is haunted. Every time I look in my mirror, a crazy old lady stands in front of me so I can’t see my reflection.”
-Anonymous
Wrinkles should only indicate where smiles have been.
-Mark Twain
“The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.”
– Oscar Wilde
“Age is a high price to pay for maturity.”
– Tom Stoppard
“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
– Bob Hope
“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”
– Bill Vaughan
“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”
– Mark Twain
“At my age, flowers scare me.”
– George Burns
“I Thought Growing Old Would Take Longer”
– Unknown
“Middle Age: when you chose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy”
— Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960
“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.”
– Joan Rivers
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”
– Larry Lorenzoni
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
– George Burns
“The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.”
-Helen Hayes
“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”
-Bryan White
“At my age, I’m often asked if I’m frightened of death and my reply is always, I can’t remember being frightened of birth.”
-Peter Ustinov
“I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”
-George Burns
Harry: “And I’m gonna be 40!” Sally: “When?” Harry: “Someday!”
From ‘When Harry Met Sally’, written by Nora Ephron
“Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.”
-Groucho Marx
